There are times when you get the impression that not only are
some people from a different planet, but that they are
speaking a different language. This is because, in fact, they
are (in both cases.)
As Useless Industries continues to progress, expand and
re-shape the modern world, there are some Useless Speak
vocabulary words that you should be aware of in order to
function more efficiently, to be a better producer of labor
and consumer of products, and to find deeper satisfaction in
the timeless rhythm of waking, working, consuming, and
||Getting something for
nothing. When something is on sale you should simply buy
it. It's very similar to "free" (see
||Free is short for freedom -
like a gift. When we put cheese on a mousetrap we are
giving free cheese to the mice - and later freeing them
from their earthly bonds.
|Limited Time Only
||Of course all time is limited
- but your time is especially limited. When you see this
it is a reminder of your own mortality. Unless you enjoy
thinking about death you should act immediately -
preferably through buying something UselessTM.
|Your results may vary
||Someone is just trying to
make you feel bad. You're a good person. Why shouldn't
your results be like everyone else's?
|Past performance is not
indicative of future results
||This is just an outright lie.
If this were the case, then there'd be no harm is just
letting all the criminals out of jail. Don't tell me a
terrible crime wave wouldn't break out.
||A special class of fact
which is not open to dispute, question, clarification or
scrutiny of any sort. (Syn: infallible truth.)
||[ more UselessTM
vocabulary coming soon]