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What part of ____ don't you understand? 

  Title: Useless Vocabulary Words

01.05.04

 
There are times when you get the impression that not only are some people from a different planet, but that they are speaking a different language. This is because, in fact, they are (in both cases.) 

As Useless Industries continues to progress, expand and re-shape the modern world, there are some Useless Speak vocabulary words that you should be aware of in order to function more efficiently, to be a better producer of labor and consumer of products, and to find deeper satisfaction in the timeless rhythm of waking, working, consuming, and sleeping.

On Sale Getting something for nothing. When something is on sale you should simply buy it. It's very similar to "free" (see below.) 
Free Free is short for freedom - like a gift. When we put cheese on a mousetrap we are giving free cheese to the mice - and later freeing them from their earthly bonds. 
Limited Time Only  Of course all time is limited - but your time is especially limited. When you see this it is a reminder of your own mortality. Unless you enjoy thinking about death you should act immediately - preferably through buying something UselessTM
Your results may vary Someone is just trying to make you feel bad. You're a good person. Why shouldn't your results be like everyone else's? 
Past performance is not indicative of future results This is just an outright lie. If this were the case, then there'd be no harm is just letting all the criminals out of jail. Don't tell me a terrible crime wave wouldn't break out.  
Scientific Fact A special class of fact which is not open to dispute, question, clarification or scrutiny of any sort. (Syn: infallible truth.) 
[ more UselessTM vocabulary coming soon]

Related Documents
Devil's Dictionary

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