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DISCLAIMER: This web site is a verisimilitude of experience. Said plainly, it is
not real. Every person perceives reality differently. What is
not real to one person may be both real AND really offensive
to another person. We recognize that some people may be
offended by some material on this site. While we do not
condone any truly harmful and abusive reality, we also believe
that the real reality that this site approximates is actually much
worse than the verisimilitude we have presented here. For this we are truly
sorry and we humbly apologize for the actions and consequences
of actions of our "real world" colleagues.
WARNING: This site contains social and political satire -
use at your own risk. In no event will its creators, sponsors
or affiliates be liable to any party or for any direct,
indirect, or other consequential damages from any use of this
website, or any other hyperlinked web site. That being
said, many would-be claimants regardless feel the need to
file a claim.
FILING A CLAIM: A person (claimant) who
requests to recover monetary damages for bodily injury or
personal property, (including automobile claims) allegedly
caused by the Useless Industries or its employees, officers,
agents, or volunteers, must do so within 180 days after the
date of the occurrence. Useless employees are neither to
accept liability nor furnish information on incidents or
accidents, and should refer the claimant to the risk manager
immediately after knowledge of a potential or actual claim.
MAILING ADDRESS:
Useless Industries
Legal Claims Department
17825, 2nd Avenue North
Plymouth, MN 55447-3402
REQUEST FOR 'OUT OF COURT'
SETTLEMENT: In many cases, Useless Industries has found it
convenient to set up a covert meeting for the purposes of
arriving at an 'out of court' settlement - commonly known as
hush money. If you feel that your case is strong enough to
warrant such an arrangement (past cases have included such
items as video taped evidence of malfeasance, official company
documents demonstrating willful intent of wrong-doing or
deliberate attempts to cover up actual or perceived acts of
unethical, immoral, or simply outrageous behavior) please use
the form below to arrange a covert meeting with a Useless
Executive. Terms of any such settlement are strictly
confidential and both claimant and claimee, their heirs, and
assignees are subject to gag orders in perpetuity not to
exceed the radioactive decay half life of an atom of plutonium
(approximately 24,000 years.)
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